It started out being a long day. Not having much to eat made it seem longer. I could feel my body begin to wear down from lack of energy. I ate a small snack when I got home and then some dinner before I was off again. I'd forgotten what it was like to be on the go. I had told a friend that I'd help them out with a class this semester. I've helped in the past and I was looking forward to it. However, today was one of those days I just wanted to stay home...I didn't even get my workout in. My energy pepped up a bit and I headed to the class. Upon arriving I ran into old friends. It was as if we'd just seen each other yesterday.
Perspectives is the class I'm referring to. I took it in 2005 and I helped with the Cabot class last year. This class puts a new perspective on missions and God. Each time something new is revealed to me. Tonight was just a night of revelation for me. Do you ever get so excited you feel like you're about to jump out of your skin? That's how I felt tonight. I couldn't wait to get home and write this. At break I posted Facebook status which prompted a Friend to txt me inquiring about my amazing news. It was in the middle class & I was so overcome with excitement of what I wanted to share. It was hard to contain until after the class.
The person speaking tonight was Bill Elliff. He's my former pastor from the Church I attended growing up. He's since started The Summit Church in NLR. We talked about God being a Missionary God. We started by discussing the glory of God. Have you ever thought about that? I've heard it all my life and it's throughout the scripture. The glory of God...it's his nature, character, magnificence, majestic etc. Ps 19 "The heavens declare the glory of God..." We were created to display God's glory. We're to reflect His image. We've also been given the choice to choose to follow him or rebel. Yet if we rebel he doesn't turn his back on us he's still there waiting for us. We always have the option of choosing to follow God. Mr. Elliff told us a story about his brother-in-law who bought an raggedy antique car. He was a pastor and every parsonage they went to the car went with them. He worked on it for years. Finally one day the brother-in-law told Bill he wanted to show him something. He opened the garage and there was the most beautiful car one had ever seen. Everything had been restored to look like the original and it ran smooth. That's how God is with us. When we come to him he works to restore us back to His specifications. I can attest to this because God knows I've made horrible decisions and choices that I regret. If you want more on that just look back through my blog & you'll find my testimony. Through God's grace I've changed (for the good) and he's restoring me back to His specifications. I still struggle with things, but God's not through with me yet. "God manifests His love through His intervening grace." To put it another way "God doing something for you that you could not do yourself." Grace...what does it mean to you?
As God restores us back to His nature, He restores us to his mission.
Sometimes we just need a new lens to see things more clearly. Tonight, I saw things in a whole new light and I was in awe!
If this has intrigued you there are classes throughout the nation. In central AR it's at the Summit in Little Rock (Mon), there is one in Conway (Sun), and at First Baptist Cabot on Tuesday night.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
"Don't think about dying..."
The past few months have been unstable for me not knowing when I'd be leaving. Two weeks ago I found out the job fell through. The next day I went into my current job to let them know I could work the rest of the semester. My boss informed me that she didn't know how much longer she could keep me on because we had lost some children and were below the number we needed. I handled myself in a calm professional way and told her just to let me know when she needed to let me go and something else would come along. Then this past week we lost another child. I had a strong feeling that on Monday I'd be told that I was no longer needed. I went to work and nothing was said to me. I had a great day with the kids and when they said "Miss Jennifer" it just warmed my heart. I love the class I'm getting to work with and I'll hate it when I have to say goodbye.
On the way home I thought about the events from Friday to Monday. Upon hearing the news it's like I walked around with dread and still trying to decide what would be my next job. It's like I went into silent panic mode before knowing the outcome. As I thought about this I remembered a quote I saw posted by Bob Harper "Don't think about dying...think about LIVING."- Jack LaLane. It clicked in my head. Instead of going to work with the idea I could loose my job at any moment, I should embrace the time that I have and enjoy it with my class.
On the way home I thought about the events from Friday to Monday. Upon hearing the news it's like I walked around with dread and still trying to decide what would be my next job. It's like I went into silent panic mode before knowing the outcome. As I thought about this I remembered a quote I saw posted by Bob Harper "Don't think about dying...think about LIVING."- Jack LaLane. It clicked in my head. Instead of going to work with the idea I could loose my job at any moment, I should embrace the time that I have and enjoy it with my class.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
What Now?
I used to be one that didn't like reading. However, when I lived in Germany I didn't have a t.v. in my dorm style apartment. I quickly learned to like reading and I discovered I didn't hate it as much as I thought I did. There were a lot of books I became engrossed with. I couldn't wait 'til the end to see if the romance was going to develop out of certain characters, or if it was the ending I was expecting. After reading a few chapters I just couldn't wait for the outcome. I had to know the outcome. I'd flip to the last 2 chapters and scan the pages until I found my answer. Then I'd sigh in relief with a smile on my face, and go back to finishing the book. My friends thought I was crazy for doing that. They said I was ruining the story because I knew the ending. Au contraire I say...even though I knew the ending it was still exciting to see how everything played out in the story.
Yesterday I was in Walmart when I got the unexpected news about the CO position. I was told that the date had been pushed back again (along with other complications of which I wont go into since this is on the web). In a nutshell my supervisor and I decided it was best we not pursue this any further and that I look for other job opportunities. It's funny how God works. Sunday, I had an urge to look at the classifieds in the paper. Then yesterday I said a silent prayer to God asking him to open or shut this door. I thought this was the door he'd opened because all others were being shut. Where did I go wrong? Was it something I'd said in interviews, something on my resume, why am I not getting hired anywhere? Then out of the blue this job was offered to me. This seemed to be the door God was opening. Even after I accepted the position I still got offers but nothing ever came of them. I admit when I was first going to go I was ready to go in a heartbeat. Then with the setbacks I got resettled in my life. I met a new groups of friends that I had a lot of fun with along with my other friends. Inside I wanted to take my friends with me, but new that I couldn't. This was an emotional time for me. I wasn't just leaving for a short term mission trip. I was making a life changing move. I was looking forward to the snow, seeing Colorado, and meeting new people. When I got the call yesterday there was a bit of relief because I had closure, but there was also a bit of disappointment and uncertainty. I started to breakdown in the car. Emotions were going everywhere. The past couple of years have been an emotional roller coaster.
On the way home Mom said, "Well you did say you didn't want to leave your friends." I just nodded and through sobs said "I know, but I was looking forward to going." We quickly laughed at the fact how hard it is to please women.
What now? Where do I go from here? Do I go back for my masters in education and teach? Do I pursue web design? I don't know. I enjoy both careers but for either I know I'll have to pursue further education. Then there's my Pampered Chef business. I love it and I'd love the hours. I'd have more freedom to go on vacations when I wanted to and meet people for lunch dates. I can move anywhere and my business goes with me. There are secret dreams I have that only a few know about. Do I pursue those? There's so much to think about!
My room is mostly packed, boxes line the walls almost to the ceiling. I miss my favorite things, but I don't want to unpack the boxes. I'll start looking for a place of my own this summer.
Last night I couldn't go to sleep. I thought about the days events, replayed everything in my head, and cried some more. As I lay there I thought to myself, "This is a lot like having your flight delayed. There have been delays after delays and now it's being cancelled." I'll be honest I'm frustrated, but I'm also dealing with other emotions. Part of me feels like the boy who cried wolf. Just hear me out please. I know I'm not and it's not my fault I just need to vent what I'm feeling. Another emotion I've dealt with is fear. Fear of the unknown in CO, fear of making the trip by myself, and fear of what people would say after the first setback came. I didn't want to see some people because I feared what they would say to me. In reality, I was wrong about that and they were more than supportive to me. "Fear can intimidate us, pin us into a corner, and keep us from being all God created us to be. The good news is, love always conquers fear!"- Experiencing Peace by Marilyn Meberg.
Am I mad at God? Am I disappointed with God? The answer is no. I'm not mad at him nor am I disappointed with God. I am disappointed the job didn't work out and I am so confused at this point. I really thought this is where God wanted me.
This truly has represented my blog title "Destination Unknown"! I appreciate all your prayers and support. Please keep me in your prayers because I don't know what's in store next or where I'll be. One thing is for sure I'll still get to be on the women's committee at church and help out with some spring events! Oh and my favorite speaker ,Beth Moore, is coming to Little Rock in April! I'll get to hear her speak! YAY! Can't wait!
God has a plan and a purpose. I wish I could flip to the end of this chapter and see the final outcome (not dying), but I know I can't. I'll just take it one day at a time.
Ciao!
Yesterday I was in Walmart when I got the unexpected news about the CO position. I was told that the date had been pushed back again (along with other complications of which I wont go into since this is on the web). In a nutshell my supervisor and I decided it was best we not pursue this any further and that I look for other job opportunities. It's funny how God works. Sunday, I had an urge to look at the classifieds in the paper. Then yesterday I said a silent prayer to God asking him to open or shut this door. I thought this was the door he'd opened because all others were being shut. Where did I go wrong? Was it something I'd said in interviews, something on my resume, why am I not getting hired anywhere? Then out of the blue this job was offered to me. This seemed to be the door God was opening. Even after I accepted the position I still got offers but nothing ever came of them. I admit when I was first going to go I was ready to go in a heartbeat. Then with the setbacks I got resettled in my life. I met a new groups of friends that I had a lot of fun with along with my other friends. Inside I wanted to take my friends with me, but new that I couldn't. This was an emotional time for me. I wasn't just leaving for a short term mission trip. I was making a life changing move. I was looking forward to the snow, seeing Colorado, and meeting new people. When I got the call yesterday there was a bit of relief because I had closure, but there was also a bit of disappointment and uncertainty. I started to breakdown in the car. Emotions were going everywhere. The past couple of years have been an emotional roller coaster.
On the way home Mom said, "Well you did say you didn't want to leave your friends." I just nodded and through sobs said "I know, but I was looking forward to going." We quickly laughed at the fact how hard it is to please women.
What now? Where do I go from here? Do I go back for my masters in education and teach? Do I pursue web design? I don't know. I enjoy both careers but for either I know I'll have to pursue further education. Then there's my Pampered Chef business. I love it and I'd love the hours. I'd have more freedom to go on vacations when I wanted to and meet people for lunch dates. I can move anywhere and my business goes with me. There are secret dreams I have that only a few know about. Do I pursue those? There's so much to think about!
My room is mostly packed, boxes line the walls almost to the ceiling. I miss my favorite things, but I don't want to unpack the boxes. I'll start looking for a place of my own this summer.
Last night I couldn't go to sleep. I thought about the days events, replayed everything in my head, and cried some more. As I lay there I thought to myself, "This is a lot like having your flight delayed. There have been delays after delays and now it's being cancelled." I'll be honest I'm frustrated, but I'm also dealing with other emotions. Part of me feels like the boy who cried wolf. Just hear me out please. I know I'm not and it's not my fault I just need to vent what I'm feeling. Another emotion I've dealt with is fear. Fear of the unknown in CO, fear of making the trip by myself, and fear of what people would say after the first setback came. I didn't want to see some people because I feared what they would say to me. In reality, I was wrong about that and they were more than supportive to me. "Fear can intimidate us, pin us into a corner, and keep us from being all God created us to be. The good news is, love always conquers fear!"- Experiencing Peace by Marilyn Meberg.
Am I mad at God? Am I disappointed with God? The answer is no. I'm not mad at him nor am I disappointed with God. I am disappointed the job didn't work out and I am so confused at this point. I really thought this is where God wanted me.
This truly has represented my blog title "Destination Unknown"! I appreciate all your prayers and support. Please keep me in your prayers because I don't know what's in store next or where I'll be. One thing is for sure I'll still get to be on the women's committee at church and help out with some spring events! Oh and my favorite speaker ,Beth Moore, is coming to Little Rock in April! I'll get to hear her speak! YAY! Can't wait!
God has a plan and a purpose. I wish I could flip to the end of this chapter and see the final outcome (not dying), but I know I can't. I'll just take it one day at a time.
Ciao!
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